Thursday, April 29, 2010
I came across a fantastic book: Laughing Matters: Learning to Laugh When Life Stinks by Phil Callaway. I commented on it in my book review posting (a couple of posts ago), but I thought I'd share some of the hilarious lines that Phil wrote.
These were some instructions on items you buy for your home:
On a hair dryer: Do not use while sleeping or in shower.
On a portable stroller: Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage.
In a washing machine manual: Remove clothes before washing.
On an electric rotary tool: This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
From the side of a lighter: Warning: Contents flammable!
On the package of hand soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
Found on a box for a window air conditioner: Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioner out of window.
In a microwave manual: Do not use for drying pets.
On an electric cattle prod: For us on animals only!
If you ever think you're too small to be effective, you've never been in bed with a mosquito. Anita Roddick (p. 84)
Wisdom From Children
When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
Never ask your three-year-old brother to hold a tomato.
School lunches stick to the wall.
Never hold a vacuum cleaner and a cat at the same time.
Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise a cat.
Classified Ads: An unexpected vacancy for a knife-thrower's assistant. Rehearsals start immediately.
Newspaper ad: Extremely independent male, 17 years old. Needs to rent a room. Call his mother at...
Advertisement: Try our cough syrup. You will never get any better.
For Sale: Bulldog. Will eat anything. Loves small children.
Child to mother after school: Our new teacher taught us all about fossils. Before she came to class I didn't know what a fossil looked like.